BoysBeforeFlowers 2 by MCL
Title : BoysBeforeFlowers 2
Author : MCL
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/PoisonedPen/
Reviewed by Mickey @ WonderfulxMemories
Title: 3/5
The title wasn’t anything special since it’s just a sequel to Boys Before Flowers. Although you should separate the words in between so it’s not just all stuck together.
Poster/Background/Appearance: 10/10
The poster is absolutely beautiful. Vrenille makes really nice posters. The poster went with the mood of the story and the colors didn’t bother my eyes at all.
Forewords: 5/10
Your forewords was boring and plain. Although with that, I liked how you explained the meaning of each question.
Plot: 8/15
The plot was exactly like the first Boys Before Flowers. I know that you’re trying to make it Boys Before Flowers 2, but it the plot just seemed the same as Boys Before Flowers, but with different places.
Characterization: 6/10
I’m pretty sure that you’re just going with the characteristics that they had in the drama, so I wasn’t all that confused about them. But you should add in some descriptions about the characters as well, just in case some readers didn’t watch the drama.
Creativity/Originality: 5/10
So far, this just seemed like a remake of the drama but with different places and a bit of new ideas. So there wasn’t much creativity and originality in this story.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/10
I spotted a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. First of all, you don’t capitalize what needs to be capitalized. You don’t capitalize your I’s when its supposed to be. You should read over your chapters before posting them. I’m really picky at this section of the review.
Flow: 5/10
The flow seemed to go a bit fast for me. It just seemed to jump from place to place without you even explaining what happened.
Writing Style: 4/15
Your writing style was really hard to understand. When you’re writing, you shouldn’t put two people talking into one paragraph. That makes it even more confusing to understand. You should separate the dialogue between two people.
For example ;
You Wrote :
"What do you want?" Jun Pyo asked, "Uhhh, that one!" answered Jan Di pointing to the chocolate ice cream JunPyo said "Aish, didn't know that it's full of carbohydrates that will make you fat? stupid lady!" while poking Jan Di's head. then Jan Di angrily answered "Stupid? you call me stupid? you're the one stupid! it's not carbohydrates but calories!aish!!" then she hit Jun Pyo's legs with his feet causing Jun Pyo too shout "AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" the two of them continue arguing about ice creams flavors, the people who were in the cafe keep noticing them because on how they treat each other.
You could write it like :
“What do you want?” Jun Pyo asked.
“Uh, I want that one!” Jan Di answered, pointing to the chocolate ice cream.
Jun Pyo poked her head and then said, “Aish, don’t you know that it’s full of carbohydrates, which makes you fat?! Stupid lady!”
“Stupid? Your calling me stupid? You’re the one that’s stupid!” Jan Di said angrily, “It’s not carbohydrates but calories! Aish!”
She then hit Jun Pyo’s leg causing him to shout really loud. The two of them continued to argue about ice cream flavors, which made the people in the café stare at them because of how they treated each other.
You should make it like that instead of putting all that into one paragraph. It makes it easier to read and understand. Also, when people(or maybe just me) read stories like this, it makes them frustrated. Your writing style made me go, “UGH!”
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
Honestly, no, I did not enjoy this one bit. It seemed messy and it wasn’t to my liking. As soon as I read the first chapter, I just wanted to skip to the ending.
Total: 51/100
Bonus: 2/5
I know this isn’t a nice score, but I just want to help you with your writing. I know this is a bad request, but please request from me again. Just so that I can see what changed and what didn’t. But it’s totally your choice. I’m not trying to be harsh or anything, but this is a review, and reviews are supposed to help the authors. (:
Overall Total: 53/100
Author : MCL
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/PoisonedPen/
Reviewed by Mickey @ WonderfulxMemories
Title: 3/5
The title wasn’t anything special since it’s just a sequel to Boys Before Flowers. Although you should separate the words in between so it’s not just all stuck together.
Poster/Background/Appearance: 10/10
The poster is absolutely beautiful. Vrenille makes really nice posters. The poster went with the mood of the story and the colors didn’t bother my eyes at all.
Forewords: 5/10
Your forewords was boring and plain. Although with that, I liked how you explained the meaning of each question.
Plot: 8/15
The plot was exactly like the first Boys Before Flowers. I know that you’re trying to make it Boys Before Flowers 2, but it the plot just seemed the same as Boys Before Flowers, but with different places.
Characterization: 6/10
I’m pretty sure that you’re just going with the characteristics that they had in the drama, so I wasn’t all that confused about them. But you should add in some descriptions about the characters as well, just in case some readers didn’t watch the drama.
Creativity/Originality: 5/10
So far, this just seemed like a remake of the drama but with different places and a bit of new ideas. So there wasn’t much creativity and originality in this story.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/10
I spotted a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. First of all, you don’t capitalize what needs to be capitalized. You don’t capitalize your I’s when its supposed to be. You should read over your chapters before posting them. I’m really picky at this section of the review.
Flow: 5/10
The flow seemed to go a bit fast for me. It just seemed to jump from place to place without you even explaining what happened.
Writing Style: 4/15
Your writing style was really hard to understand. When you’re writing, you shouldn’t put two people talking into one paragraph. That makes it even more confusing to understand. You should separate the dialogue between two people.
For example ;
You Wrote :
"What do you want?" Jun Pyo asked, "Uhhh, that one!" answered Jan Di pointing to the chocolate ice cream JunPyo said "Aish, didn't know that it's full of carbohydrates that will make you fat? stupid lady!" while poking Jan Di's head. then Jan Di angrily answered "Stupid? you call me stupid? you're the one stupid! it's not carbohydrates but calories!aish!!" then she hit Jun Pyo's legs with his feet causing Jun Pyo too shout "AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" the two of them continue arguing about ice creams flavors, the people who were in the cafe keep noticing them because on how they treat each other.
You could write it like :
“What do you want?” Jun Pyo asked.
“Uh, I want that one!” Jan Di answered, pointing to the chocolate ice cream.
Jun Pyo poked her head and then said, “Aish, don’t you know that it’s full of carbohydrates, which makes you fat?! Stupid lady!”
“Stupid? Your calling me stupid? You’re the one that’s stupid!” Jan Di said angrily, “It’s not carbohydrates but calories! Aish!”
She then hit Jun Pyo’s leg causing him to shout really loud. The two of them continued to argue about ice cream flavors, which made the people in the café stare at them because of how they treated each other.
You should make it like that instead of putting all that into one paragraph. It makes it easier to read and understand. Also, when people(or maybe just me) read stories like this, it makes them frustrated. Your writing style made me go, “UGH!”
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
Honestly, no, I did not enjoy this one bit. It seemed messy and it wasn’t to my liking. As soon as I read the first chapter, I just wanted to skip to the ending.
Total: 51/100
Bonus: 2/5
I know this isn’t a nice score, but I just want to help you with your writing. I know this is a bad request, but please request from me again. Just so that I can see what changed and what didn’t. But it’s totally your choice. I’m not trying to be harsh or anything, but this is a review, and reviews are supposed to help the authors. (:
Overall Total: 53/100
posted by WonderfulxMemories at
4:31 PM
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