FROM TOKYO, WITH LOVE by cutterpillow
Title: FROM TOKYO, WITH LOVE
Author: cutterpillow
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/FTWL/
Reviewer: Joucy @ WonderfulxMemories
Title: 3/5
Correct form of title: From Tokyo, with Love >> Looks more professional this way. I liked the title, though. It’s sweet and romantic :].
Poster/Background: 10/10
I really like the poster. It’s simple and nice. Even though you don’t have a background, I won’t count it against you. Backgrounds don’t really have a huge role in the plot of stories anyway.
Forewords: 4/10
Forewords are usually supposed to be brief previews to stories, but I feel like your forewords was a bit too brief. Maybe you can lengthen the summary and tell us more about the characters to spice up your forewords. Overall, it didn’t really catch my attention and seemed kind of plain.
Plot: 10/15
The plot seemed well-organized toward the ending of the story, but the beginning and the middle felt a little messy here and there.
Creativity/Originality: 4/15
I’ve seen this plot everywhere. A famous superstar goes to a different country to live a normal life, then he/she falls in love. Soon after the press finds out and things get complicated. This storyline is extremely common on winglin, and isn’t anything new.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocab: 5/15
I found lots of grammar mistakes, but then again English isn’t your first language and I noticed your apologies for having bad grammar at the end of each chapter. So, maybe I could help you out a bit by pointing out the biggest mistakes =].
Passage from story:
“just teach me what’s the difference of that?”
^ capitalize the first letter at the beginning of quotes. I saw quite a lot of these, so make sure you go through and recheck.
Passage:
After 30 minutes of waiting, Ellie finally came. They didn’t go to their work, they just stay at Ellie’s condo and eat dinner. She felt peculiar as Ryo is quiet.
I fuss a lot on having stories stay in the same tense, whether it may be past, present, or future. The sentence above has two tenses going on: past and present. If you want it all in past tense then it would be: “After 30 minutes of waiting, Ellie finally came. They didn’t go to their work, they just stayed at Ellie’s condo and ate dinner. She felt peculiar as Ryo was quiet.” So yea! Keep the scenes in your story in one tense =].
There were also some misspellings here and there, so beware of those.
Flow: 8/10
One part that seemed to go really fast for me was when Ryo and Ellie started to develop feelings for each other just a few days after they met. If you waited a few chapters until the “kiss” occurred, then the flow would have been perfect. But after that, the road went smooth although there may have been some bumps here and there. The flow wasn’t totally balanced, but it wasn’t so bad either.
Characterization: 10/10
I’m glad you didn’t post a character chart in your forewords that immediately told the readers what each character is like, which is what most winglin writers tend to do. Instead you slowly unfolded everyone’s personalities as the story progressed. I think that is one of the main points that makes up a good story =).
Writing Style: 7/10
Excluding the grammar, I didn’t have a problem with your writing style, but it wasn’t the most unique one out there.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
My enjoyment falls in between. The story was mediocre.
Total: 64/100
Bonus: 2/5
I liked the theme song. I put it on my itunes =]. Ooh, just an extra note: Sorry if this review offended you. I’m kind of a harsh criticizer.
Overall Total: 66/100
Author: cutterpillow
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/FTWL/
Reviewer: Joucy @ WonderfulxMemories
Title: 3/5
Correct form of title: From Tokyo, with Love >> Looks more professional this way. I liked the title, though. It’s sweet and romantic :].
Poster/Background: 10/10
I really like the poster. It’s simple and nice. Even though you don’t have a background, I won’t count it against you. Backgrounds don’t really have a huge role in the plot of stories anyway.
Forewords: 4/10
Forewords are usually supposed to be brief previews to stories, but I feel like your forewords was a bit too brief. Maybe you can lengthen the summary and tell us more about the characters to spice up your forewords. Overall, it didn’t really catch my attention and seemed kind of plain.
Plot: 10/15
The plot seemed well-organized toward the ending of the story, but the beginning and the middle felt a little messy here and there.
Creativity/Originality: 4/15
I’ve seen this plot everywhere. A famous superstar goes to a different country to live a normal life, then he/she falls in love. Soon after the press finds out and things get complicated. This storyline is extremely common on winglin, and isn’t anything new.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocab: 5/15
I found lots of grammar mistakes, but then again English isn’t your first language and I noticed your apologies for having bad grammar at the end of each chapter. So, maybe I could help you out a bit by pointing out the biggest mistakes =].
Passage from story:
“just teach me what’s the difference of that?”
^ capitalize the first letter at the beginning of quotes. I saw quite a lot of these, so make sure you go through and recheck.
Passage:
After 30 minutes of waiting, Ellie finally came. They didn’t go to their work, they just stay at Ellie’s condo and eat dinner. She felt peculiar as Ryo is quiet.
I fuss a lot on having stories stay in the same tense, whether it may be past, present, or future. The sentence above has two tenses going on: past and present. If you want it all in past tense then it would be: “After 30 minutes of waiting, Ellie finally came. They didn’t go to their work, they just stayed at Ellie’s condo and ate dinner. She felt peculiar as Ryo was quiet.” So yea! Keep the scenes in your story in one tense =].
There were also some misspellings here and there, so beware of those.
Flow: 8/10
One part that seemed to go really fast for me was when Ryo and Ellie started to develop feelings for each other just a few days after they met. If you waited a few chapters until the “kiss” occurred, then the flow would have been perfect. But after that, the road went smooth although there may have been some bumps here and there. The flow wasn’t totally balanced, but it wasn’t so bad either.
Characterization: 10/10
I’m glad you didn’t post a character chart in your forewords that immediately told the readers what each character is like, which is what most winglin writers tend to do. Instead you slowly unfolded everyone’s personalities as the story progressed. I think that is one of the main points that makes up a good story =).
Writing Style: 7/10
Excluding the grammar, I didn’t have a problem with your writing style, but it wasn’t the most unique one out there.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
My enjoyment falls in between. The story was mediocre.
Total: 64/100
Bonus: 2/5
I liked the theme song. I put it on my itunes =]. Ooh, just an extra note: Sorry if this review offended you. I’m kind of a harsh criticizer.
Overall Total: 66/100
posted by WonderfulxMemories at
8:39 PM
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