the Jocks vs the Barbie Dolls by teriyaki18
Title : the Jocks vs the Barbie Dolls
Author : teriyaki18
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/teriyaki183/
Reviewed by Kee @ WonderfulxMemories
Title: 3/5
It wasn’t really intriguing because from there, I could tell it was another Kingka-Queenka thing. It did, though, connected with the storyline.
Poster/Background/Appearance: 5/10
It was nice that you made an effor t to make it yourself but you could have blended it better. The background didn’t mix well with the story and the poster but I had no trouble reading though.
Forewords: 3/10
It didn’t lure me to click on the next button.
Plot: 7/15
Common plot; nothing new but I like how the girls love basketball LOL
Characterization: 3/10
Is this an application fic or not? Its not clear to me.
That was my main question during reading through your fic. At first, I noticed you were introducing the Barbie dolls but then as I read on, you leaned more towards JM. It was JM this, JM that; JM supergirl and etc etc. I mean; if this WERE an application fic, you should give your appliers more justice.
All in all, JM was easy to connect to. The others were so-so since they don’t really ‘shine’ round JM much.
Creativity/Originality: 7/10
As I said, the girls loving basketball was something unexpected. Usually, people would put maybe one or two of the princesses (queenkas) as the sport lover type so I was pleasently surprised when you I read all the girls has true passion for basketball. The twists were okay.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
You tend to misplace your tenses. Instead of putting [‘s] in most words, why don’t you put… for example;
woman’s = woman was.
she’s = she is.
Flow: 4/10
A litte fast but it was still at minimum rate.
Writing Style: 5/15
It was so-so. At times, I could have predicted most of the storyline and at times, I just wanted to stop clicking the next button.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I could predict most of it so it wasn’t really that much of a surprise. It was a good try though cause I gasped and laughed at some parts.
Total: 46/100
Bonus: -/5
Overall Total: 46/100
Author : teriyaki18
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/teriyaki183/
Reviewed by Kee @ WonderfulxMemories
Title: 3/5
It wasn’t really intriguing because from there, I could tell it was another Kingka-Queenka thing. It did, though, connected with the storyline.
Poster/Background/Appearance: 5/10
It was nice that you made an effor t to make it yourself but you could have blended it better. The background didn’t mix well with the story and the poster but I had no trouble reading though.
Forewords: 3/10
It didn’t lure me to click on the next button.
Plot: 7/15
Common plot; nothing new but I like how the girls love basketball LOL
Characterization: 3/10
Is this an application fic or not? Its not clear to me.
That was my main question during reading through your fic. At first, I noticed you were introducing the Barbie dolls but then as I read on, you leaned more towards JM. It was JM this, JM that; JM supergirl and etc etc. I mean; if this WERE an application fic, you should give your appliers more justice.
All in all, JM was easy to connect to. The others were so-so since they don’t really ‘shine’ round JM much.
Creativity/Originality: 7/10
As I said, the girls loving basketball was something unexpected. Usually, people would put maybe one or two of the princesses (queenkas) as the sport lover type so I was pleasently surprised when you I read all the girls has true passion for basketball. The twists were okay.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
You tend to misplace your tenses. Instead of putting [‘s] in most words, why don’t you put… for example;
woman’s = woman was.
she’s = she is.
Flow: 4/10
A litte fast but it was still at minimum rate.
Writing Style: 5/15
It was so-so. At times, I could have predicted most of the storyline and at times, I just wanted to stop clicking the next button.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I could predict most of it so it wasn’t really that much of a surprise. It was a good try though cause I gasped and laughed at some parts.
Total: 46/100
Bonus: -/5
Overall Total: 46/100
posted by WonderfulxMemories at
8:30 PM
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