Saranghae, and I Love You by ChinYu

Title: Saranghae, and I Love You
Author: ChinYu
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/jiroswifey
Reviewed by Go @ WonderfulxMemories



Story Title: 3/5
The title doesn’t really give me any special impression. Both Saranghae and I love you mean the same, though written in different language and while it is not wrong to do so, the repetition doesn’t give the strong impression, at least for me that it. Besides, it is normal to see the sentence ‘I love you’ used almost everywhere (including titles). However, it still gives the idea how the story is, so it’s still a good one nevertheless.


Appearance: 10/10
Good poster, good background. Grey sometimes looks dull, but it goes just well here. Besides I find no difficulty while reading the story. Good job :)


Forewords: 8/10
The story appears to be so normal. That was my first impression upon reading the forewords, especially the summary. Despite that, I am still eager to read more (and I think I’ll do the same even when I’m not obliged to). I love that you put on the necessary elements, such as character’s descriptions (at least for the two main characters) and the summary. It would do, though there’s still room for improvement. Just a side note, I suggest changing your description into paragraphs instead of points to make it more appealing.


Plot: 13/15
It is a bit cliché on a few parts, but mostly the plot leans more to its interesting part. The part when Donghae was confused of his sexuality orientation is the most appealing I guess, though I suppose you can do better on that. Also, it represents something that is happening in this world, something real. Lastly, you’ve done great on developing it :)


Characterization: 8/10
As I have mentioned above, the basic descriptions have been given on the forewords, which is a good start, then you develop it further throughout the entire story. The characterizations are easy to understand but again, it can be better, which is actually proven through the chapters you’ve written. By comparing the first chapters with the last chapters, you can see the difference (no matter how trivial it might be) as you’re improving, which is a good thing.


Creativity/Originality: 6/10
The reason why I deduce a great amount of point from this section lies on its originality. While the story develops creatively, the basic idea itself isn’t something new, or at least I had read similar stories in the past. Not all gay people could accept their sexuality orientation easily just like that, so I say that it’s not an uncommon matter. While how the story develops still surprises me at some point.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
There are only a few mistakes grammatically (I am not a grammar expert, or something along the line fyi) but that isn’t the reason why I dock a few points. Actually, you have the tendency to use the word ‘and’ too much. And I really mean it. There are actually some variations you can use to replace ‘and’ as a conjunction, such as: ‘while’, ‘before’, ‘after’, ‘then’, etc., each serves its own purpose. Or else, you can use a ‘comma’ to separate some. You have quite a wide range of vocabulary and I rarely find repetitions.

Flow: 10/10
It’s neither too fast nor too slow. In short, it suits my liking.


Writing Style: 11/15
I hardly find any one-liners (if not none) as it actually always is the first aspect I use for this scoring. Secondly, punctuations. Other than the usage of ‘and’, you also overuse triple dots (…), or even quadruple, at times, while actually most of those triple dots isn’t the appropriate punctuation which should have been used. Let me give you an example:

"Eunhyuk....I wrote a song....I want you to hear it." Donghae pulled his guitar over on his lap and started to strum. He stared up at Eunhyuk. (Chapter 2, first paragraph)

As you can see, there are two quadruple dots, and actually I don’t see why it is necessary to put those dots there. Here is my suggestion (or correction, whichever you’d like to call it as.)

"Eunhyuk,I wrote a song. I want you to hear it." Donghae pulled his guitar over on his lap and started to strum. He stared up at Eunhyuk. à to give the impression you actually want to create, you can separate the line into two, such as: "Eunhyuk,” Donghae exhaled a deep breath, “I wrote a song, I want you to hear it." Donghae pulled his guitar over on his lap and started to strum. He stared up at Eunhyuk.

Another example: "I...I..." Donghae searched for the right words. "I..." Love you. "I...love....y-"

Once again, there are too many triple dots. It has better be replaced like this:

"I-I..." Donghae searched for the right words. "I..." Love you. "I-love-y-"

Triple dots isn’t the only problems with punctuations, but since I spot too many, I couldn’t help but mention it. Maybe it’s just a matter of punctuations, but sometimes it annoys people (at least me) when you see it too much (or abusing it? :p). Lastly, there are also some two-sentences which can actually be combined as one. But it really is up to you for that :)


Overall Enjoyment : 4/5
It is enjoyable. It’s been long since I read a multi chaptered slash fic so I’m pretty excited about this. Glad that it really entertains me so much :)

Total : 81/100

Bonus : 4/5

I should have stated this a few times, but there’s still room for improvement. And I can see how you really are developing through what you’ve written.

Overall Total: 85/100

Notes: Firstly, thank you for having me reviewing this. Then secondly, I apologize if I sounded offending at some points. I don’t have any bad intention, other than giving my suggestion for the better. Also, I am trying to be honest, not to mention that I am quite strict at scoring as well. Of course, I could not say that I am an expert, because certainly I ain’t one. So, good luck for your future endeavors :))

When Death Spoke To Her by The Unfaithful One

Title : When Death Spoke To Her
Author : The Unfaithful One
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/chair/
Reviewed by ChinYu @ WonderfulxMemories

Story Title: 5/5
Very creative, and eye catching.
Draws into the story perfectly.
I'd definitely click on it if I saw it on the winglin list

Appearance: 7/10
Colors were great. You had that dark, black, eerie theme to it.
The poster was nice, the photos of Chun and Ella had different quality and lighting, but great nonetheless.

Forewords: 4/10
Very nice teaser. Made me want to read more.
But you didn't add much as to what the story was to be about,
Who the characters were, setting, ect ect.
Points knocked off for not having that.

Plot: 8/15
The plot was very original. I've never seen a fanfiction quite like this.
However, it was really hard for me to discover the plot. I'm still not positive I understand the plot and theme you were trying to push.
It took me a few reads to finally get my interpretation of the plot. Very original and creative, though.

Characterization: 4/10
I wasn't really able to get much insight into the characters.
There was some, and the some that was there was deep.
But there could have been much more detail as to who the characters were and what they were like.

Creativity/Originality: 8/10
It was really creative and original. Like I said, I haven't seen a fanfiction like this one before.
It was dark and eerie and a love story.
It was amazing how you were to connect these two themes and make this fanfiction function well.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
Spelling and grammar were up to par. There wasn't many mistakes I saw.
And your vocabulary was vibrant and full. You definitely have a wider word bank than some writers.

Flow: 7/10
It had some minor speed-bumps that had me re-reading what you had wrote.
Other than that your flow was nice and consistent.
Up until the last chapter.
I was confused and didn't know what was going on for the first part.
It would have been nice for a little note saying it was going to be two different people.

Writing Style: 11/15
There was a lot of dialogue. And not much details.
Though, you definitely have a way with words.
The story was very well put together.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I love FeiLunHai and S.H.E couple fics.
Especially chunxella fics.
And this the 'love' theme was very subtle and hidden, but really amazing story.

Total : 67/100

Setbacks Of A Winglin Author by nom d'écran .

Title : Setbacks Of A Winglin Author
Author : nom d'écran .
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/HEEZYOO6/
Reviewed by Kiyoko @ WonderfulxMemories

*Please don’t take it personally; I am just sharing my opinion on your story and helping you improve on your writing. Hope I’m not too harsh or strict.

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : 5/5
This one really caught my attention. I’m a winglin author myself, so it immediately caught my attention to know what you’re trying to mean.

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -/10
Usually, for every story there’s a poster and a background. So I won’t count the points for this because this story can’t possibly have a poster or background for this. This is a way different story than others.

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : 3/10
Well…your forewords are very short…so it wouldn’t want to make some people read more. Luckily, your title made it more interesting for you to read.


`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : 15/15
The plot was interesting to me, about winglin authors and some of their bad sides of it.


`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -/10
I won’t count the characterization part since the characters in the one shot refers to all winglin authors.


`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : 10/10
The one shot was really creative to me. The originality of this story isn’t what you usually see on winglin.


`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 9/10
I was able to understand your one shot. Your vocabulary and spelling was very well done. For the last part, the: To All Author’s part. You don’t have to keep repeating the words. Combine the reasons and make them into a paragraph.


`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : 8/10
Your flow was a little too fast for me. For the apply stories part, you got to the applying part then to genuineness and copy catters, then back, to the applying stories. But the others part were smooth.

.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : 13/15
Your writing style is okay was easy for me to read, although there was a lot of spacing, some sentences could be made into a paragraph.


`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : 5/5
I liked this one shot. It can show winglin authors on what kind of problems would be going on in winglin. About how winglin changed over the years at times, about authors trying to be recognized, and all the other things you put into your one shots.


`Total : 68/100

`Bonus : 5/5
I gave bonus since your one shot is one of a kind(:

Overall Total: 73/100

You Belong With Me by Phurplle/YooSun

Title : You Belong With Me
Author : Phurplle/YooSun
Link : http://soeul.tsuyamono.net/fanfic/viewstory.php?sid=285
Reviewed by Kiyoko @ WonderfulxMemories

*Please don’t take it personally; I am just sharing my opinion on your story and helping you improve on your writing. Hope I’m not too harsh or strict.

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : 3/5
The title pretty much caught my attention, but since there was some titles like that, it made me think it’s another romance-comedy-drama story. But, it did tie into the story well.

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -/10
Well, since this isn’t on winglin, I’ll not count the points for appearance.

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -/10
I won’t give you points for the forewords too since there wasn’t a forewords chapter.


`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : 12/15
I didn’t really get the plot because I didn’t know what the plot was. But as I read on the plot was about two siblings but they’re not blood related. I did read some plots like this, but this seems a little bit different, since it has F4(:


`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : 8/10
I love how you introduce the characters with their POV. Like in the first two chapters I can know about their background and how their personality is.


`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : 7/10
Your originality was lacking a little since I saw many stories with this kind of plot, with the whole brother-sister thing and the love triangle, but your creativity kind of made it a little different than others.


`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 7/10
There was some mistakes , but they weren’t distracting. While you’re making a character say something, at least put who was saying it, some people can get confused on who’s saying a part. Also, you kept using he and she in your chapters a little too much. If you can, try using more of the character’s name in it so people won’t be wondering: Who’s saying which part?


`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : 8/10
Your flow is pretty smooth, but at some parts it gets slow or fast. So try balancing the flowing of the story. Don’t skip to one event then another without an ending of the event.

.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : 11/15
Your writing style was easy for me to read, but you don’t have to make big spaces between lines on what the characters are saying. You can just skip one to two lines to start a new line than making a big space between the sayings. You could also put some sentences into a paragraph than putting one line then skip a line, then put another saying. Like in Chapter 4, you can put sentences together to make a paragraph.


`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : 4/5
I really like your story(: It made me laugh and squeal on parts of Yi Jung and So Eun. And Tiffany in it! Omo! So much good stars in this story!(:


`Total : 60/100

`Bonus : 5/5
Your story needs improvements at points, but you still did a good job on the story(: Keep going with that story!


Overall Total: 65/100

*Don't worry.The reason why you got this total because your story isn't on winglin,where you have a poster/background and a forewords chapter, and since your site is different, that's why.But you still did a good job(:

Hello Again by Minnie

Title: Hello Again
Author: Minnie
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/MinnieO1/
Status: Completed ; One-shot
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza @ WXM

`Story Title: 3/5
In my opinion, your title was really well chosen, although it could’ve been better. I found it really interesting and I had a lot of assumptions. The connection between the title and story was well done also. I found it really relevant. I loved it. Continue this… the title didn’t give away the story, but instead gave suspense and wonder; although the connection between the poster and title wasn’t quite there. Since you made your own poster, you would’ve had more of an idea on how you wanted to make your poster look like, but I guess you didn’t hit the right spot. You did fine. Don’t be discouraged :)

`Appearance: 7/10
When I first opened the link, it was okay. The poster was okay, it could be improved. The feeling and mood was there and the colors corresponded well together. Since you made your poster, I suggest blending pictures together and try to choose fonts wisely in the poster ;) Besides that, it’s okay. Concerning your fonts, choosing the red color really wasn’t a good choice. It gave me a hard time to read because it kind of blended in with the background plus, it made my eyes a bit tired because it was bright. If ever you can’t get the feeling and mood that you want concerning your poster, you should request. Usually, that’s the better second choice.


`Forewords: 7/10
Your forewords was something else. I was satisfied after reading it, but I can’t feel good enough knowing that there’s something missing. You should be more precise with your forewords. Try to get the REAL mood into it so it gives the right mood in starting off the story. I liked your preview though. It gave me the wanting to read it immediately. Great job. I guess the only thing I can advice you is to make sure you lengthen it and if you can’t do so, make sure that the content you add in your forewords are useful and beneficial. Introduction of characters that people usually add isn’t a must… but you can add it in if you want. I was fine with your forewords. Just improve here and there and it’ll be great.


`Plot: 11/15
I liked your storyline although lacking creativity and originality. It was interesting, although it seemed a bit rushed. Everything happened too fast ruining the whole feeling of the plot. Just be sure to write your plot thoroughly so the mood remains in the story and in the reader.


`Characterization: 8/10
Your choice of characters is your business. I’m not going to mark you on your choice because each author has their own opinions but I will mark you on how you managed to portray the personalities of the characters. I believe that it could’ve done better. Take your time on the characters. Be sure that the readers understand the characters.


`Creativity/Originality: 5/10
Well, I expected more… but I was slightly disappointed concerning your originality. Looking at the title, I thought that this story was going to be something different, but the plot is just similar to other stories. I think that you wrote too much about unimportant things like going to the mall, etc. If you added more drama from the start, it could’ve given you a good start… Your story lacked creativity because of the unimportant events you added into the story. I was hoping for more though.


`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
Your grammar was really… uninteresting. You made sentences that did make sense, but it was a bore. It made the story undergo a downfall which is really bad. Please avoid adding words and information that is irrelevant and is not needed in the sentence. Also, please stop repeating ideas in more than one sentence. In the story you said that she was waiting and you kept repeating that for about 4-6 more sentences which is really uncomfortable when reading.
- Avoid repeating words in one sentence

- Don’t repeat ideas in multiple sentences, unless more ideas are added

- Lessen paragraphs about unimportant events and get straight to the point

- Don’t lengthen sentences if not need; it’ll make sentences boring

- Don’t keep using “he” or “she”

`Flow: 7/10
The flow in the beginning was slow, but the ending went by a bit fast.


`Writing Style[: 14/15
Your writing style was simple. I liked it because I didn’t have a hard time reading.


`Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
Despite all the needed improvements, I enjoyed the story very much.


`Total : 71/100

`Bonus : 3/5
I’m sorry for the wait :S & Sorry for being strict on you. I sure hope you take my suggestions into consideration :)

Overall Total: 74/100