Hello Again by Minnie

Title: Hello Again
Author: Minnie
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/MinnieO1/
Status: Completed ; One-shot
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza @ WXM

`Story Title: 3/5
In my opinion, your title was really well chosen, although it could’ve been better. I found it really interesting and I had a lot of assumptions. The connection between the title and story was well done also. I found it really relevant. I loved it. Continue this… the title didn’t give away the story, but instead gave suspense and wonder; although the connection between the poster and title wasn’t quite there. Since you made your own poster, you would’ve had more of an idea on how you wanted to make your poster look like, but I guess you didn’t hit the right spot. You did fine. Don’t be discouraged :)

`Appearance: 7/10
When I first opened the link, it was okay. The poster was okay, it could be improved. The feeling and mood was there and the colors corresponded well together. Since you made your poster, I suggest blending pictures together and try to choose fonts wisely in the poster ;) Besides that, it’s okay. Concerning your fonts, choosing the red color really wasn’t a good choice. It gave me a hard time to read because it kind of blended in with the background plus, it made my eyes a bit tired because it was bright. If ever you can’t get the feeling and mood that you want concerning your poster, you should request. Usually, that’s the better second choice.


`Forewords: 7/10
Your forewords was something else. I was satisfied after reading it, but I can’t feel good enough knowing that there’s something missing. You should be more precise with your forewords. Try to get the REAL mood into it so it gives the right mood in starting off the story. I liked your preview though. It gave me the wanting to read it immediately. Great job. I guess the only thing I can advice you is to make sure you lengthen it and if you can’t do so, make sure that the content you add in your forewords are useful and beneficial. Introduction of characters that people usually add isn’t a must… but you can add it in if you want. I was fine with your forewords. Just improve here and there and it’ll be great.


`Plot: 11/15
I liked your storyline although lacking creativity and originality. It was interesting, although it seemed a bit rushed. Everything happened too fast ruining the whole feeling of the plot. Just be sure to write your plot thoroughly so the mood remains in the story and in the reader.


`Characterization: 8/10
Your choice of characters is your business. I’m not going to mark you on your choice because each author has their own opinions but I will mark you on how you managed to portray the personalities of the characters. I believe that it could’ve done better. Take your time on the characters. Be sure that the readers understand the characters.


`Creativity/Originality: 5/10
Well, I expected more… but I was slightly disappointed concerning your originality. Looking at the title, I thought that this story was going to be something different, but the plot is just similar to other stories. I think that you wrote too much about unimportant things like going to the mall, etc. If you added more drama from the start, it could’ve given you a good start… Your story lacked creativity because of the unimportant events you added into the story. I was hoping for more though.


`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
Your grammar was really… uninteresting. You made sentences that did make sense, but it was a bore. It made the story undergo a downfall which is really bad. Please avoid adding words and information that is irrelevant and is not needed in the sentence. Also, please stop repeating ideas in more than one sentence. In the story you said that she was waiting and you kept repeating that for about 4-6 more sentences which is really uncomfortable when reading.
- Avoid repeating words in one sentence

- Don’t repeat ideas in multiple sentences, unless more ideas are added

- Lessen paragraphs about unimportant events and get straight to the point

- Don’t lengthen sentences if not need; it’ll make sentences boring

- Don’t keep using “he” or “she”

`Flow: 7/10
The flow in the beginning was slow, but the ending went by a bit fast.


`Writing Style[: 14/15
Your writing style was simple. I liked it because I didn’t have a hard time reading.


`Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
Despite all the needed improvements, I enjoyed the story very much.


`Total : 71/100

`Bonus : 3/5
I’m sorry for the wait :S & Sorry for being strict on you. I sure hope you take my suggestions into consideration :)

Overall Total: 74/100