Saranghae, and I Love You by ChinYu

Title: Saranghae, and I Love You
Author: ChinYu
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/jiroswifey
Reviewed by Go @ WonderfulxMemories



Story Title: 3/5
The title doesn’t really give me any special impression. Both Saranghae and I love you mean the same, though written in different language and while it is not wrong to do so, the repetition doesn’t give the strong impression, at least for me that it. Besides, it is normal to see the sentence ‘I love you’ used almost everywhere (including titles). However, it still gives the idea how the story is, so it’s still a good one nevertheless.


Appearance: 10/10
Good poster, good background. Grey sometimes looks dull, but it goes just well here. Besides I find no difficulty while reading the story. Good job :)


Forewords: 8/10
The story appears to be so normal. That was my first impression upon reading the forewords, especially the summary. Despite that, I am still eager to read more (and I think I’ll do the same even when I’m not obliged to). I love that you put on the necessary elements, such as character’s descriptions (at least for the two main characters) and the summary. It would do, though there’s still room for improvement. Just a side note, I suggest changing your description into paragraphs instead of points to make it more appealing.


Plot: 13/15
It is a bit cliché on a few parts, but mostly the plot leans more to its interesting part. The part when Donghae was confused of his sexuality orientation is the most appealing I guess, though I suppose you can do better on that. Also, it represents something that is happening in this world, something real. Lastly, you’ve done great on developing it :)


Characterization: 8/10
As I have mentioned above, the basic descriptions have been given on the forewords, which is a good start, then you develop it further throughout the entire story. The characterizations are easy to understand but again, it can be better, which is actually proven through the chapters you’ve written. By comparing the first chapters with the last chapters, you can see the difference (no matter how trivial it might be) as you’re improving, which is a good thing.


Creativity/Originality: 6/10
The reason why I deduce a great amount of point from this section lies on its originality. While the story develops creatively, the basic idea itself isn’t something new, or at least I had read similar stories in the past. Not all gay people could accept their sexuality orientation easily just like that, so I say that it’s not an uncommon matter. While how the story develops still surprises me at some point.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
There are only a few mistakes grammatically (I am not a grammar expert, or something along the line fyi) but that isn’t the reason why I dock a few points. Actually, you have the tendency to use the word ‘and’ too much. And I really mean it. There are actually some variations you can use to replace ‘and’ as a conjunction, such as: ‘while’, ‘before’, ‘after’, ‘then’, etc., each serves its own purpose. Or else, you can use a ‘comma’ to separate some. You have quite a wide range of vocabulary and I rarely find repetitions.

Flow: 10/10
It’s neither too fast nor too slow. In short, it suits my liking.


Writing Style: 11/15
I hardly find any one-liners (if not none) as it actually always is the first aspect I use for this scoring. Secondly, punctuations. Other than the usage of ‘and’, you also overuse triple dots (…), or even quadruple, at times, while actually most of those triple dots isn’t the appropriate punctuation which should have been used. Let me give you an example:

"Eunhyuk....I wrote a song....I want you to hear it." Donghae pulled his guitar over on his lap and started to strum. He stared up at Eunhyuk. (Chapter 2, first paragraph)

As you can see, there are two quadruple dots, and actually I don’t see why it is necessary to put those dots there. Here is my suggestion (or correction, whichever you’d like to call it as.)

"Eunhyuk,I wrote a song. I want you to hear it." Donghae pulled his guitar over on his lap and started to strum. He stared up at Eunhyuk. à to give the impression you actually want to create, you can separate the line into two, such as: "Eunhyuk,” Donghae exhaled a deep breath, “I wrote a song, I want you to hear it." Donghae pulled his guitar over on his lap and started to strum. He stared up at Eunhyuk.

Another example: "I...I..." Donghae searched for the right words. "I..." Love you. "I...love....y-"

Once again, there are too many triple dots. It has better be replaced like this:

"I-I..." Donghae searched for the right words. "I..." Love you. "I-love-y-"

Triple dots isn’t the only problems with punctuations, but since I spot too many, I couldn’t help but mention it. Maybe it’s just a matter of punctuations, but sometimes it annoys people (at least me) when you see it too much (or abusing it? :p). Lastly, there are also some two-sentences which can actually be combined as one. But it really is up to you for that :)


Overall Enjoyment : 4/5
It is enjoyable. It’s been long since I read a multi chaptered slash fic so I’m pretty excited about this. Glad that it really entertains me so much :)

Total : 81/100

Bonus : 4/5

I should have stated this a few times, but there’s still room for improvement. And I can see how you really are developing through what you’ve written.

Overall Total: 85/100

Notes: Firstly, thank you for having me reviewing this. Then secondly, I apologize if I sounded offending at some points. I don’t have any bad intention, other than giving my suggestion for the better. Also, I am trying to be honest, not to mention that I am quite strict at scoring as well. Of course, I could not say that I am an expert, because certainly I ain’t one. So, good luck for your future endeavors :))